When the Weight Isn’t Yours to Carry

Have you ever felt like you were carrying everyone’s problems — and had no room left to carry your own?

For the longest time, I was that listening ear and shoulder to cry on for everyone in my circle. But where was my shoulder? Where was my ear? People relied on me for empathy, compassion, understanding, and advice. And I didn’t mind — I still don’t. I want to be that safe space where people can show up real, raw, and unfiltered.

But here’s what I learned the hard way: when they hurt, I hurt. When they were angry, I carried that too. And when they kept making the same choices that caused them pain — despite all our talks — it crushed me.

I finally realized that my compassion didn’t require me to carry their chaos. I had to practice being that same gentle, direct friend without taking on their emotional weight. I had to learn to stay in my own lane — to recognize what was within my control and what wasn’t.

Check Your Backpack

One of the tools that helped me the most is something I call the “Backpack Exercise.” A simple visualization that helps you separate what’s yours to carry — and what isn’t.

My backpack has my words, actions, body language, behavior, and my choices. What ISN’T in my backpack are other people’s words, actions, behaviors, choices, the weather, traffic, tragedies around the world, and pretty much everything else!

Focus Your Energy

Focusing on what’s actually in my own backpack gives me energy to keep building healthy habits and living intentionally. The stronger and more balanced I become, the better support I can offer to those I care about.

Take a look at what you’re carrying around.
How much of it is really yours?
How much can you set down?
And how much of it is an opportunity to respond instead of reacting?

I hope you take a few minutes to examine your backpack today.